


In the Bank

by theleaveswant



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Humiliation, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Oops, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Roommates, Teasing, jokes have defined structures, that was 'messing with you'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3333896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleaveswant/pseuds/theleaveswant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esteban would be an excellent roommate if he hadn't recently elected to get his kicks thwarting James' attempts to masturbate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Bank

"Hey, Commander."

James curses and topples into the workbench in his haste to hide the evidence. He's become very efficient at that; in fact he's already buttoning his fly when Esteban starts laughing. James scowls. He peers out from behind the screen to make sure and, as predicted, sees no sign of Shepard. Again.

"You're an asshole y te odio," James informs his friend, and retreats back into his fort.

Esteban actually wheezes with laughter. "Every single time!"

"Only because I know the time I stop believing you will be the time it actually happens."

"Uh-huh," Esteban says as the giggles trail off. James knows without looking that he's wiping the tears from his eyes.

James enjoys more privacy than most aboard the Normandy, down in the little nest of crates and screens he's constructed for himself in the shuttle bay, but that bar's so low a snake could step over it. Esteban has his own cot against the starboard wall and he'd be pretty near a perfect roommate if he hadn't recently elected to get his kicks by thwarting James' attempts to masturbate. Don't get James wrong, he's happy to hear the guy laughing again; he just wishes it wasn't at his expense.

James lays back on his cot and squirms uncomfortably. Blue balls might not be a serious condition but it was a damned unpleasant one. "This isn't funny!" he yells from behind the screen, and that sets Esteban off again. "Cabrón."

They've been doing this stupid dance for almost a week. James has always tried to keep it quick and quiet, first out of politeness and now out of necessity, but Esteban always knows. He doesn't always interrupt but the awareness that he might is often enough of a distraction to keep James out of the groove. By now James half expects to pull up a dictionary on his omnitool and find his own face alongside the entry for 'frustration'.

Esteban sighs happily. "I do love to watch you hop."

"Pervert." James shoves the screen out of the way with his foot to glare at him.

Esteban shrugs. "Takes one to know one."

"It actually doesn't." James groans and scrubs his left hand over his face. "Why can't you just let me jerk off in peace?"

"I could," Esteban says. "Right now I choose not to."

"You'll regret that when I murder you in a horny berserker rage." James sits up with his feet on the floor and glowers at Esteban. "I am begging you, seriously, sincerely, from the bottom of my backed-up balls, please, _please_ , stop." 

Esteban's expression sobers. "Yeah, all right. I'm sorry I got carried away."

"Thank you," James says and thumps back onto the cot, pulling the screen back in place as he goes. He takes a deep breath and opens his mental pornography archive, hoping to pick up where he left off.

It's probably fortunate that he's still stoking the engine, as it were, when Esteban clearly announces, "Commander Shepard, good to see you."

James snarls and jumps to his feet. "What the hell did I just say?!"

He stomps out of the fort to confront Esteban and promptly trips over his own feet.

Esteban's out there, all right, behind the requisitions console, and standing right next to him, with her eyebrows reaching for the sky, is one Commander Shepard.


End file.
